I WISH I COULD SHOW YOU THE STABLE I WORK AT NOW BECAUSE THE HORSES ARE BEYOND FANCY AND TOP LEVEL AND FREQUENTLY COMPETE IN GERMANY AND MY BOSS JUST EMAILED ME SAYING TO BRING MY RIDING CLOTHES THE NEXT DAY I WORK AND UM I GET TO RIDE THOSE FANCY HORSES LIKE OH MY GOD
LIKE ONE OF THE HORSES WAS PRE-OLYMPIC AND SHIT AND ANOTHER ONE WON THE GRAND PRIX IN GERMANY AND YEP I AM FREAKING OUT YOU GUYS I GET TO RIDE THERE. ALL THOSE IMPORTED WARMBLOODS HELLO GET AT ME
I saved someone’s life from suicide today. But I broke his heart in the midst of saving him.
A family finally moved into the stable next to my trainer’s. They currently have no horses and aren’t very horse savvy at all. They want us to use their indoor so we rode in it today. This means we can finally ride despite all the ice and snow; we can start conditioning! I rode baby mare, Kali, today. It felt so absolutely wonderful to be back in the saddle today. I needed it so unbelievably badly. Afterwards, my trainer and I couldn’t resist galloping in the back pasture across the hills, so we did. Galloping through the snow. Then I hung out in the paddock for about 30 or 45 minutes with Moose. I cried when I saw him. He wrapped his neck around me and I sobbed. My trainer was telling the new neighbors about the connection between Moose and I. She still wants me to have him and if he becomes sound, I swear to God..
I thought that by distancing myself with him over the winter, it would hurt less when I saw him next but seeing him today made me ache more. Especially with him recognizing me and showing so much affection. He’s not a people horse. He’s more of a one person horse and he’s very shy and standoffish. He refused to interact with anyone else and he stayed glued to me. God. Help me. Eventually, I have to either give him or Diablo up. Horses break my heart more than people do.
I am having a pretty intense conversation regarding Ben Howard right now.
Dad: "*smiles* Of course you are. You're turning out to be quite the swan."
I want to be short and look small on horses. Sigh.
I just want to curl up on the floor with someone and talk and cry. But I have no one here. It’s so unbelievably unfair.